They Won't Say Which Way To Go, Just Trust Your Heart...

It's interesting to consider doing something that's out of character for yourself. But maybe that's what I need to make any actual changes happen.

But is it really something you should do? Or if you do that, are you being untrue to yourself? Or being fake?

Are you losing you? Or trying to be someone you're not?

Does it actually even matter in ANY way?

Hmmmm.

This Was The Very First Page, Not Where The Storyline Ends...

People always say to "take it one day at a time" or some other general cliche. I was watching a movie the other day and a quote one of the characters said made me think. He said, "When you're young everything feels like the end of the world. But it's not; it's just the beginning."

I was thinking about how sometimes things happen that just feel like...like it's just the end of everything, like you've finally reached your breaking point, like you've really had all you can take. And then most of the time, when you look back on it a month, a week, maybe even a few days later, in many cases it's not even hardly as big of a deal as it seemed at the time, maybe it doesn't even matter anymore. Or you get upset because something you wanted to happen didn't, but then it turns out that you're really glad it didn't. Sometimes it's easier to look at the overall outcome rather than take it day to day, because when you look back on it as a whole, it's not nearly as intense.

It just makes me think more about fate and things being predetermined. If we knew for a fact that something would or wouldn't happen regardless of the actions we did (or did not) take, would we still try for things? And if not, would no one trying for anything then change what everything is predetermined to be? Is it possible that what we do actually has no bearing on the outcome, because it's already set? Do we actually spend time trying for things that will never happen, or does everything in some way shape everything else?

I feel like maybe fate takes us to a certain point. From there, we decide where we go, what choices we make. It'd be much more comforting if we could be sure that the "ending" would be one specific way or another. We'd know that it would either be what we wanted or not, and if it wasn't then we wouldn't waste our time trying to make it happen. To have that certainty, in my opinion, would be a huge comfort. I think I would probably put more effort into things knowing that it was for good reason, and not that I was just going to work myself to the bone for nothing. Yeah... I would take knowing for sure any day, for probably any situation (nothing comes straight to mind that I wouldn't want to know). I think if we all knew that what we were working toward was "worthwhile" that people would work twice as hard. Then again that goes back to, would people stop trying if they didn't "have" to? Two very different perspectives and kinds of people...

This was pointless, but for some reason I felt like writing. My head is just non-stop lately.

Weird.

You Were The Song All Along...

I know most people say that perfection is impossible. I think in some cases that's true... I mean, as people I don't think we can be perfect, even if only for the fact that everyone has a different definition of what "perfect" would be to them.

I do believe that people can be perfect for eachother. I think the entire point of relationships (friendship, love, otherwise) is about finding people that you mesh with, people that almost complete you in some way, and you them. In some ways you're weak and they're strong, and vice versa. Don't they say that love is really seeing an imperfect person perfectly? I think it's about how you compliment eachother. Neither is perfect on their own, but together they are perfect - for eachother, for their lives, for their futures.

And this is why I shouldn't blog after taking sleepy meds.

Night night. X

Let The Weak Be Strong, Let The Right Be Wrong...

Some things in life are really sad. The last week has been kind of crazy. I've had to watch a father and husband, who doesn't know how to act like an adult and/or control his temper, lose everything in a matter of 12 hours. Because he doesn't understand that you cannot handle situations with violence, especially not with a woman (especially not a woman who is your wife) and especially not with your child. The sad part is that he's a good dad, and I know he loves his child. I even believe he loves his wife, although he obviously doesn't know the appropriate way to treat her. And now because of some incredibly stupid, inexcusable actions on his part, he's lost his family, his home and is likely going to spend some time in jail to boot.

It saddens me that this kind of shit exists in the world. I guess you always hear about "domestic violence" and horrible crimes that people commit, but I have never really seen it first-hand. I guess in some ways I'm still naive to the world. On the "up side" I guess, for lack of a better term, I also saw a really strong woman finally make a decision I think she'd been scared to make before. She finally did what she knew she needed to for HER. I hate to see anyone have to go through something like this, but I'm happy for the fact that even though it's hard now, she is going to be so much better off, and so much happier in the long run.

Situations like this I would think would really put my life and my problems into perspective. And it really does... But it also makes me feel like a really shitty person, and maybe I am. When I talked to one of my best friends about this earlier, she said, "You have your reasons. It doesn't make your reasons less valid but things could be far worse, that's true." What I am going through may not compare even slightly to what I've witnessed other people fight through and overcome, but I guess in my "world" what I'm going through is my "big fight." And the sad part is that I haven't even been able to overcome it and be strong enough. I guess we all have it in us to make it through anything, we just have to finally figure out how.

Some people that tell you they'll always be there just aren't. You shouldn't "have" to rely on people, but I don't think it's wrong to put your faith in them when they tell you you can, when they tell you they want you to. When they tell you they care and if nothing else are there to listen. What I think some don't realize is that, it's not even necessarily that you want to talk about everything, or that you have "drama" or that you want them to give you advice... Sometimes you just want to know that you aren't alone. Sometimes you want to be reminded that someone has your back no matter what. Sometimes you want to know someone still believes in you, even when you no longer believe in yourself. Sometimes you just want to know your friends still love you despite yourself and stupid things you may say or do.

Sometimes...you just want things to be how they were.

Although I'm feeling discouraged and frustrated with myself and have struggled more this week than in a long time, I feel awed and inspired by not only the strength I've seen in the last 24 hours from someone younger and stronger than me, but by the positivity and drive and confidence that some people display and hold onto regardless of what life throws at them. By people who don't allow "bad" things in life to get to them because they are able to focus on all of the good in their world around them and remember the important things in life, despite anything else. People who always let the ones they love know that they love them, because their selves and their lives are influenced just as much by these people as ours are by them. People who always take care of themselves and are also always there for the people they love regardless of what's going on in their own busy lives.

It's those people that give me hope when I feel that I've all but lost it. It's those people that remind me I'll always make it through anything, even if it might not feel like it. And they remind me that sometime, some day, it will get better. It has to.

I'm so blessed with the people in my life. Thank you, all, for all that you are. And for seeing me even when I've lost myself.

Xx