Is “jealous” a specifically negative word? Is there a difference between “jealousy” and “envy”? Can you be “jealous” of someone you truly love?
I really dislike feeling like I’m jealous of someone. Especially if that person is someone I really admire and love. It makes me feel like a terrible person. Maybe that’s all some jealousy really is though, is admiration. What’s the difference? That’s the thing I guess. I see jealousy as being negative. To feel jealousy toward someone is a negative feeling. But I don’t think it’s always intended that way. It’s okay to admire people, or maybe to strive to better yourself because of things you admire about another. Isn’t it? I think it can be. If wanting to be better is wanting to improve the person you are, not becoming this entire other person or becoming exactly like someone else.
I don’t know how to say what I’m trying to say. Sometimes I think it can be hard to see someone who is exactly the person you would like to be. Does that equal jealousy? I don’t wish bad or harm on anyone; I would never, ever do that. I don’t wish that anyone be less than what they are. I just wish that I was also able to possess some of the qualities or talents or physical attributes or whatever the case may be that I like or admire about someone else. That seems normal to me for anyone that has imperfections they dislike about themselves. But is it actually?
Maybe this is something that will stop as I deal with my insecurities about myself; I’m just having some issues with this. I don’t like feeling this way about someone. It’s even worse because it’s not the first time. And I don’t like questioning things needlessly because of it, either.
Everything happens for a reason…hell, maybe this is some weird backwards way to get to a change that’s just supposed to happen. I don’t want to think that way, but, it’s possible. It could be absolutely nothing and how things are could be how they’re supposed to be. And it could also be totally wrong. But does that mean I should be open to other “options” for lack of a better word? Should I entertain thoughts that I normally wouldn’t because I’m unsure of something else? How do you ever truly know that something is right and it’s how it’s supposed to be? Can you ever be completely sure? Or is it just always possible that one day, something can make everything change, because it was never right in the first place and you just didn’t know it? And then what do you do if it’s too late for anything else, and you’ve missed your right because you were so wrapped up in making the wrong work? Or will your "right" always find a way to work out?
I like to believe in destiny, and fate, and true love, and all that happily ever after romantic happy stuff that happens in the movies. Why? Well, because it’s nice to believe that love conquers all. It’s nice to believe there’s one person made especially for you, and that you will find your way to them one way or another. It's nice to believe that no matter what you go through, one day life will be perfect. It’d be amazing if all of life was like that. But no part of life is a sure thing. Well, except that everyone will die at some point. That’s a nice thought, huh? The one sure thing there is in life and it’s that fabulous.
I have no idea what I’m trying to say. I wish life came with a manual so you always knew what you were supposed to do and what path you were supposed to take. Sure it might take out some of the excitement I guess, but it’d also get rid of a lot of the pain and uncertainty. I may be at a crossroads. I may not be. So I have no fucking clue where to go from here.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
At the Core I've Forgotten, In The Middle of My Thoughts...
"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will." ~ Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi
Some of you may or may not know that this Sunday, August 29, 2010 marks 5 years since Hurricane Katrina ravaged the Gulf Coast spanning from Louisiana to the Florida panhandle. Today I attended a ceremony marking the closing of one of the last remaining religious-based non-profit/volunteer camps still left in this area. While I wasn't here when Katrina hit, I arrived about 6 months later and could still see so much of the devastation. I can't even begin to imagine what the people of this area have gone through.
But today I realized, I never really have imagined exactly what these people have been through. Can you imagine swimming out of your second-story window as cars float past you? Can you imagine walking (because there's no gas and because there's too much debris in the streets to drive even if there was) past bodies scattered all over the place? Can you imagine watching your home be destroyed, or leaving for your safety and not knowing if you even have anything to go back to? Can you imagine waiting days, if not weeks to know if your family members are even alive?
I can't. And yet I sit here many days, and I feel sad, and I hate my life and wonder why things can't go my way. I am not ungrateful. For anything in my life. But, I also think I often fail to recognize and remember exactly how good I have it. That although things may be hard, and I may struggle from time to time, when it comes down to it - I have a wonderful and blessed life. Who the hell do I think I am? How dare I think my life so horrible after what so many have suffered through and STILL struggle to overcome. Of course we all have trials and tribulations in our lives, but there's always someone worse off. There are people here who have literally lost everything. People have lost their belongings, irreplaceable things and memories like pictures and home movies, and even actual family members. But it didn't stop them. They kept going. They didn't give up. I have an unexpected bill or expense come up and my entire life is just chaos. Really? REALLY? People lost ev-ery-thing. And not only did they deal with it, live through it. They overcame it. They mentally and physically worked through it. They REBUILT their entire lives. And they did it despite their sorrow, and their devastation. They never lost hope. Nothing in my life even begins to compare.
My work has allowed me to see first-hand that the work here is far from done. A lot of people think that since it's not on the news anymore, it must all be taken care of, it must be fixed. That's so far from true. I urge everyone to take a few minutes to remember the devastation that not only happened here, but as a result of natural disasters all over the world. If you're able, volunteer for a day, or donate a couple bucks. Most of the time it's tax deductible. Think about all that a few hours of your time and a few bills from your wallet can do if everyone did a little bit. Remember that just because it's not on the news tonight, it doesn't mean the need isn't still there, and that actual living, breathing people do still need help.
It's easy to get caught up in our lives and forget about those who are not as fortunate as we are. I know I'm guilty of it. I guess I just needed a little reminder. I'm glad I got it. My heart is heavy, but I'm inspired. It's time to move forward.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Stronger Than Yesterday...
Christ, it's only Tuesday? It's gonna be a long one, folks.
I'm doing much better this week. I'd like to apologize for my last entry. I've debated removing it all-together but, it is what it is. The few of you that actually read this know that I'm here and I'm fine, and it's all part of the process I guess. Sometimes I feel like maybe I shouldn't share as much as I do. Even though writing for me is just a way of venting a bit or releasing some stress, I don't know that I can always word things correctly and say what I feel I need to whilst assuring everyone that I'm "alright"...as in not going to do something stupid or whatever. I don't know what I'm trying to say. "How much is too much," perhaps? Or is that what a blog is for in the first place? Would it have the same effect if I wrote it in a diary and I was the only one who ever read it? I guess I won't really know unless I try. We'll see.
Anyway, so this week is better. Things have kind of taken an interesting turn and I feel very good about the direction. Compromise can be really hard to find, let alone actually DO. But I think if you can finally get there it can help things more than you even thought it could. Why is it so difficult for people to just accept some things the way they are? Or to accept people the way that they are? Especially things that we cannot change? Maybe it isn't hard for everyone, but it is for me. I've talked about this before I know, but causing myself stress over things I can't change only hurts ME. And it still won't change the situation. Soooo...it's really time to quit that shit. And I've found that being in a better mindset like I have been the last few days, I've been able to do it a little bit more. So I'm hoping this is a really good sign and that things are going to continue looking up and moving in the right direction.
Why do some people get possessive over other people? Like, no one even has a right to be possessive over someone else. I don't get it. You can be close to someone, but to act as though you have some sort of "hold" on them or "claim" to them is just wrong in my opinion. A lot of times you're just throwing something in other peoples' faces, or making people feel bad. Friendship isn't a competition...at least it shouldn't be. Chances are other people also care about the person you do, but it's not necessary to continuously like...display the fact that you are closer to them than other people. I don't really know exactly what I'm trying to say. Maybe it's just jealousy showing its ugly face. And I'm sure we're all guilty of doing this at some time or another. I doubt that's the intention, but it's definitely how it comes off... and sometimes it's just rubbing it in people's faces.
Not that I didn't already know, but lately I'm constantly reminded of just how amazing the people in my life are. I am so, so blessed with some of the most wonderful people that I can call my friends. That may sound sappy and stupid, but if that bothers you you can piss off, because it has to be said. I truly don't know where I'd be right now without the incredible support, advice, and LOVE that you have all given me, many of you regardless of your own current stressful life situations. You are a reminder that there are still truly good people in the world and the definition of what selflessness and real friendship is. While I absolutely hate (a word I so greatly dislike) that so many of us are going through so much, I am grateful that we are able to support each other in so many different ways and situations. Maybe together we can all find our individual strengths to allow us to get through whatever life has, is, or will throw at us. You are all so important to me. Thank you for being a part of my life, and a part of me.
Thanks, as always, for taking the time to look in on me. Half the time I feel like I'm crazy and that the things I go through are so ridiculous and different from everyone else, and you guys remind me that someone, somewhere understands, I'm never alone, and one day I'll be okay. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. xx
I'm doing much better this week. I'd like to apologize for my last entry. I've debated removing it all-together but, it is what it is. The few of you that actually read this know that I'm here and I'm fine, and it's all part of the process I guess. Sometimes I feel like maybe I shouldn't share as much as I do. Even though writing for me is just a way of venting a bit or releasing some stress, I don't know that I can always word things correctly and say what I feel I need to whilst assuring everyone that I'm "alright"...as in not going to do something stupid or whatever. I don't know what I'm trying to say. "How much is too much," perhaps? Or is that what a blog is for in the first place? Would it have the same effect if I wrote it in a diary and I was the only one who ever read it? I guess I won't really know unless I try. We'll see.
Anyway, so this week is better. Things have kind of taken an interesting turn and I feel very good about the direction. Compromise can be really hard to find, let alone actually DO. But I think if you can finally get there it can help things more than you even thought it could. Why is it so difficult for people to just accept some things the way they are? Or to accept people the way that they are? Especially things that we cannot change? Maybe it isn't hard for everyone, but it is for me. I've talked about this before I know, but causing myself stress over things I can't change only hurts ME. And it still won't change the situation. Soooo...it's really time to quit that shit. And I've found that being in a better mindset like I have been the last few days, I've been able to do it a little bit more. So I'm hoping this is a really good sign and that things are going to continue looking up and moving in the right direction.
Why do some people get possessive over other people? Like, no one even has a right to be possessive over someone else. I don't get it. You can be close to someone, but to act as though you have some sort of "hold" on them or "claim" to them is just wrong in my opinion. A lot of times you're just throwing something in other peoples' faces, or making people feel bad. Friendship isn't a competition...at least it shouldn't be. Chances are other people also care about the person you do, but it's not necessary to continuously like...display the fact that you are closer to them than other people. I don't really know exactly what I'm trying to say. Maybe it's just jealousy showing its ugly face. And I'm sure we're all guilty of doing this at some time or another. I doubt that's the intention, but it's definitely how it comes off... and sometimes it's just rubbing it in people's faces.
Not that I didn't already know, but lately I'm constantly reminded of just how amazing the people in my life are. I am so, so blessed with some of the most wonderful people that I can call my friends. That may sound sappy and stupid, but if that bothers you you can piss off, because it has to be said. I truly don't know where I'd be right now without the incredible support, advice, and LOVE that you have all given me, many of you regardless of your own current stressful life situations. You are a reminder that there are still truly good people in the world and the definition of what selflessness and real friendship is. While I absolutely hate (a word I so greatly dislike) that so many of us are going through so much, I am grateful that we are able to support each other in so many different ways and situations. Maybe together we can all find our individual strengths to allow us to get through whatever life has, is, or will throw at us. You are all so important to me. Thank you for being a part of my life, and a part of me.
Thanks, as always, for taking the time to look in on me. Half the time I feel like I'm crazy and that the things I go through are so ridiculous and different from everyone else, and you guys remind me that someone, somewhere understands, I'm never alone, and one day I'll be okay. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. xx
Friday, August 20, 2010
Vent. Release.
What do you do when your world is falling down around you? Piece by piece, minute by minute? I'm tired of trying to rebuild everything one brick at a time, only to have it come crashing down around me again before I can even finish it. And having it tear me apart one little piece at a time. I hate fighting. Not only with others but within myself. I don't wanna fight anymore. One step forward equals 100 steps back. Sadness and anger are taking me over. This isn't who I wanna be. What happened to the person I used to know? Can I ever really get her back? What if this isn't something that I can overcome? What if it isn't something that will work out in the end? Maybe those are just things we tell ourselves to keep going. I don't want to keep going without the guarantee that in some way, shape or form, it will be better. And I can't get that. No one can give it to me. No one can say without a single doubt that it will be okay. That I will be okay. I want a sure thing. The fear is too much. The pain is too much. No one's experience is the same, and there's no instruction book to tell you exactly how to do this. I wish there was. I wish there was a fail-proof set of instructions for all the hard things in life. The exact way to deal with pain, hurt, distance, death. I guess that's one bad thing about everyone being different. If we were all the same, what worked for someone else could work for me too. But we're not. No one can tell me exactly what I need to do. And that's what I need. I need concrete direction. I need...I don't know what I need. But I'm not sure I can do it. It's not working. And I'm not just being impatient. Seven years is not impatient. It's a hell of a long time to fight for things to only be worse. The pain is just too much. My heart aches. It aches with sadness, and with hurt, and with loss, and with potential loss. It aches with fear. I'm scared. I'm really scared.
I know some of you will, but please don't worry. Writing helps me release some...whatever. I'm not going anywhere, I'm still here. Sometimes I just wish I wasn't.
I know some of you will, but please don't worry. Writing helps me release some...whatever. I'm not going anywhere, I'm still here. Sometimes I just wish I wasn't.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
You Ain't All That.
Sometimes I just really wonder where people get their sense of self-importance. Even if you were like...the best thing to ever walk the face of the planet...does that give you a right to be rude, inconsiderate or talk down to other people? I don't think so. Honestly.. having more money, or being more successful, or being more powerful than other people doesn't change the fact that you're an asshole if you treat other people badly. I just don't know what makes people think they have this right. Nothing gives a human being the right to purposely hurt another, whether it be physically, emotionally, verbally, whatever. It's just wrong. People a lot more talented, wealthy, famous or whatever can manage to treat people with respect and dignity...some people just need to keep that in mind.
I wish I could just be happy all the time. I don't even think I care what it would take. Even a false happiness might be better at this point. I'm tired of being sad and feeling crappy. I'm sick of mood swings and one thing completely effing up my day. I just wanna be happy. It doesn't seem like that should be so difficult.
I wish I could just be happy all the time. I don't even think I care what it would take. Even a false happiness might be better at this point. I'm tired of being sad and feeling crappy. I'm sick of mood swings and one thing completely effing up my day. I just wanna be happy. It doesn't seem like that should be so difficult.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
If My Day Keeps Going This Way I Just Might...
Today was another one of those "everybody hates me" days. I just can't understand why I do this to myself, repeatedly. I'm sure this was partly due to my exhaustion from the week, among other things but it knocked me on my ass. It's actually the most alone and isolated I've felt in a really long time. Nothing specific even happened. I just woke up with this overwhelming sense of loneliness and isolation. I literally went to the mall and walked around aimlessly by myself because if I had to stay in this house one more second I was going to break something. I wish I could at least figure out what the trigger was for stuff like this. I felt it a little bit yesterday afternoon but not as overwhelmingly as today. Who the hell knows. I just know I sit here giving myself a damn pep-talk about how stupid I'm being, but my brain still thinks how it does. I have someone who's going to help me work on...not this specifically, but myself in general, and my negative thinking. Have you ever paid attention to how much you speak negatively to yourself? It's no wonder I have so many insecurities and issues...I'm pretty hard on myself. I'm told it all comes from somewhere/time during our lives, so I guess "it" shapes us to be this way. But I'm not willing to accept that it isn't something that can be changed. I just have to figure out the right way to do it. Thank you to those who called/texted/tweeted, etc. I love and appreciate you more than I can say. Truly.
I realized last night on the way to New Orleans for the concert that sunsets are pretty fucking beautiful. How did I never realize that before? I grew up practically on the beach for God sakes. Probably never paid enough attention. How much of the beautiful things in life do I miss because I'm just not paying attention? I'm hyper-aware of things like who is around me or how long that car has been behind me (maybe "paranoid" is a better word), but I've never noticed how fucking amazing a sunset really is? I want to watch more sunsets. I want to see them in beautiful places so that they're even more amazing. There is something so soothing about them, and the colors are just...gorgeous. I'm awed. I guess it's the simple things in life.
I wish I had taken my appetite suppressant this morning. I'm fucking starving, and I have like no calories left. Fuck you, delicious peanut butter cookie at the mall...you were good for the stress, but not for my tummy.
I saw "Eat, Pray, Love" with a friend today. I think I liked it. It was pretty long. It's a great story, and I know it's true, but I dunno. I can't really explain how I feel about it. Julia Roberts was fabulous though, as always. But for most of the movie my thoughts were on how pretty her hair is. It could be I'm just completely out of it today. Likely.
I think that's all I have to say. This was pretty meaningless. I'd say I was just trying to clear my head but mostly I was trying to take my mind off food. You can see how well that worked. I'm deciding at this moment if it's worth going over today if I do really, really well all week. I should know I'm just going to end up eating because I have no willpower, so it's not really worth prolonging it. I did well for the first four days, so one fuck up isn't bad (especially for me and my lack of willpower). Yeah, I'm gonna go eat something now. Make sure you check out my previous blog for my Thriving Ivory/Ryan Star review from last night. They're playing near some of you. You should go. Mmmm...pizza, maybe. xx
I realized last night on the way to New Orleans for the concert that sunsets are pretty fucking beautiful. How did I never realize that before? I grew up practically on the beach for God sakes. Probably never paid enough attention. How much of the beautiful things in life do I miss because I'm just not paying attention? I'm hyper-aware of things like who is around me or how long that car has been behind me (maybe "paranoid" is a better word), but I've never noticed how fucking amazing a sunset really is? I want to watch more sunsets. I want to see them in beautiful places so that they're even more amazing. There is something so soothing about them, and the colors are just...gorgeous. I'm awed. I guess it's the simple things in life.
I wish I had taken my appetite suppressant this morning. I'm fucking starving, and I have like no calories left. Fuck you, delicious peanut butter cookie at the mall...you were good for the stress, but not for my tummy.
I saw "Eat, Pray, Love" with a friend today. I think I liked it. It was pretty long. It's a great story, and I know it's true, but I dunno. I can't really explain how I feel about it. Julia Roberts was fabulous though, as always. But for most of the movie my thoughts were on how pretty her hair is. It could be I'm just completely out of it today. Likely.
I think that's all I have to say. This was pretty meaningless. I'd say I was just trying to clear my head but mostly I was trying to take my mind off food. You can see how well that worked. I'm deciding at this moment if it's worth going over today if I do really, really well all week. I should know I'm just going to end up eating because I have no willpower, so it's not really worth prolonging it. I did well for the first four days, so one fuck up isn't bad (especially for me and my lack of willpower). Yeah, I'm gonna go eat something now. Make sure you check out my previous blog for my Thriving Ivory/Ryan Star review from last night. They're playing near some of you. You should go. Mmmm...pizza, maybe. xx
Thriving Ivory/Ryan Star Review.
Once again, as we all know, I'm a complete concert snob. I'm sick of most "popular" music out there today because half the artists out there don't have enough actual talent without the help of autotune to deserve to be on the radio in the first place. I'm always a tad weary of live shows just because these days you never know whether the artist will actually "live up" to their record or even sound halfway decent for that matter. So, as we made our way to New Orleans, LA last night (which terrifies the piss out of me anyway), I tried to keep my expectations fairly moderate...
Ryan Star (http://www.rstar.net/) was the opener for Thriving Ivory, who we'd seen previously last July. When we decided to go to the show, I downloaded his music from Amazon so I could get feel for it and because I like to try to somewhat know the music before I see someone live. I was really impressed with his songs, and especially his voice. I'd compare him to Adam Pascal (of RENT fame), which in my humble opinion, is a very, very good thing. I ended up listening to him all week long leading up to the show and would highly recommend both of his albums for a mixture of rock, great vocals, catchy beats and even some humor. ANYWAY, let's try to stay on topic here. The show. I was actually really excited to see his set and hear him live. The guy was FAN-TASTIC. Not ONLY did he sound even better than on the record, but he is a really great performer on top of it. I loved the interaction with the crowd (which was a weird, fairly quiet crowd IMO), I loved his band, I loved how all of the songs seemed harder and louder than I was expecting. I don't really see how I could have been more impressed (except for maybe getting to watch him play even longer). I would highly recommend that you ALL check him out and you know that means a lot coming from me. He continues on tour through Texas and into LA among other places and I KNOW some of y'all are there. So do yourselves a favor and don't miss it...my concert ticket was like 12 bucks or some shit. It's a win-win.
Frankly, I thought that his set was SO good, I was doubting that Thriving Ivory would be able to "top" it. As I mentioned briefly, we had seen them previously last July in Birmingham, AL. Though I'd also downloaded their music beforehand, I wasn't as impressed with their live show. I guess the venue was having some sound issues and whatnot, but I just didn't really feel it. It wasn't a bad show, just not the best show in the world. But, as we don't really get a lot of shows down our way and it's a band we both know, we decided to make the trip over to NOLA from Mississippi and check it out. I'm SO glad we did. This show was 100% better than last year's. The lead singer was very good, and though his voice live sounds a little more gritty than on the record to me, I actually like it better. The band is so good I couldn't decide whether to watch him sing, the guitar player, the piano player or the drummer...it was like whiplash from trying to watch everything all at once. They played three new songs that will be on their album (coming out September 14th) and I loved each of them, specifically the first one that was piano-heavy (which you all know I love). Of course I can't remember any of the names, but I can tell you I'll definitely be picking that up. They even seemed to interact with the crowd more than I remember from last year. I was very, very impressed, and would without question go see them again.
To wrap up...obviously, a really great concert experience. Two really fucking fantastic acts, and they each played about an hour which was also great (despite that we had a 1.5 hr drive home and had to be up at 4:30am to go to the airport). That being said, we didn't stay to "say hi" but both bands did meet n greets after the show as well, which is always cool of people to take the time to do. Well worth it though. Seriously, y'all....if these guys are playing near you go check it out; especially if it's together.
Ryan's Dates: http://www.rstar.net/tour-dates/ (also playing w/ Justin Nozuka)
Thriving Ivory's Dates: http://www.thrivingivory.com/#/tour
If you can't see them live, I still highly recommend both albums. If you like my usual music rec's, I think you'll be impressed too. Thanks for reading. xx
Ryan Star (http://www.rstar.net/) was the opener for Thriving Ivory, who we'd seen previously last July. When we decided to go to the show, I downloaded his music from Amazon so I could get feel for it and because I like to try to somewhat know the music before I see someone live. I was really impressed with his songs, and especially his voice. I'd compare him to Adam Pascal (of RENT fame), which in my humble opinion, is a very, very good thing. I ended up listening to him all week long leading up to the show and would highly recommend both of his albums for a mixture of rock, great vocals, catchy beats and even some humor. ANYWAY, let's try to stay on topic here. The show. I was actually really excited to see his set and hear him live. The guy was FAN-TASTIC. Not ONLY did he sound even better than on the record, but he is a really great performer on top of it. I loved the interaction with the crowd (which was a weird, fairly quiet crowd IMO), I loved his band, I loved how all of the songs seemed harder and louder than I was expecting. I don't really see how I could have been more impressed (except for maybe getting to watch him play even longer). I would highly recommend that you ALL check him out and you know that means a lot coming from me. He continues on tour through Texas and into LA among other places and I KNOW some of y'all are there. So do yourselves a favor and don't miss it...my concert ticket was like 12 bucks or some shit. It's a win-win.
Frankly, I thought that his set was SO good, I was doubting that Thriving Ivory would be able to "top" it. As I mentioned briefly, we had seen them previously last July in Birmingham, AL. Though I'd also downloaded their music beforehand, I wasn't as impressed with their live show. I guess the venue was having some sound issues and whatnot, but I just didn't really feel it. It wasn't a bad show, just not the best show in the world. But, as we don't really get a lot of shows down our way and it's a band we both know, we decided to make the trip over to NOLA from Mississippi and check it out. I'm SO glad we did. This show was 100% better than last year's. The lead singer was very good, and though his voice live sounds a little more gritty than on the record to me, I actually like it better. The band is so good I couldn't decide whether to watch him sing, the guitar player, the piano player or the drummer...it was like whiplash from trying to watch everything all at once. They played three new songs that will be on their album (coming out September 14th) and I loved each of them, specifically the first one that was piano-heavy (which you all know I love). Of course I can't remember any of the names, but I can tell you I'll definitely be picking that up. They even seemed to interact with the crowd more than I remember from last year. I was very, very impressed, and would without question go see them again.
To wrap up...obviously, a really great concert experience. Two really fucking fantastic acts, and they each played about an hour which was also great (despite that we had a 1.5 hr drive home and had to be up at 4:30am to go to the airport). That being said, we didn't stay to "say hi" but both bands did meet n greets after the show as well, which is always cool of people to take the time to do. Well worth it though. Seriously, y'all....if these guys are playing near you go check it out; especially if it's together.
Ryan's Dates: http://www.rstar.net/tour-dates/ (also playing w/ Justin Nozuka)
Thriving Ivory's Dates: http://www.thrivingivory.com/#/tour
If you can't see them live, I still highly recommend both albums. If you like my usual music rec's, I think you'll be impressed too. Thanks for reading. xx
Friday, August 13, 2010
Miscellaneous...
It's been a very long week. The fact that Wednesday felt like Thursday, and therefore Thursday felt like Friday only made it longer. I had a bunch of appointments all week and haven't been sleeping much at all, so I think that's made it feel more extended as well. Sleep problems aren't new to me, I've pretty much dealt with them my entire life. From as simple as not ever being able to wake up in the morning (no matter how long I've slept) to laying awake at night for hours trying to fall asleep. Those problems I'm used to. The last week and a half has been waking up about a bajillion times throughout the night, and taking forever to fall back to sleep. Every couple of hours it seems. And that's after struggling to get to sleep anyway. One of the most frustrating things is to be exhausted, but not SLEEPY. Completely drained, but not TIRED. Very frustrating. Anyway...I saw my doctor today and she refilled my sleeping aid, so hopefully that'll help. I've also been getting headaches every day, which I generally don't. Kinda wondering if the two are related...so hopefully, if they are, when I sleep, the headaches will quit. I can't remember what my point was here...side effects of the sleeping pills: I'm a liiiiiittle bit loopy til I finally crash.
I'll be going on a trip next month to see two of the most amazing people I know. Could. Not. Be. MORE. Excited. I don't really want to talk about details but those of you who I know well probably know at least some of them anyway. I just wanted to talk about it a little bit because I'm so, SO excited. There were some other plans that fell through for a later date that I am ridiculously upset about, even still. BUT, I am trying to stay positive and focus on how much I'm looking forward to going somewhere new, especially somewhere so beautiful. And of course, I'm thrilled to see my friends. Beyond thrilled. Sometimes, I wish we could ALL be together in one place. That would be crazy and wonderful. One day, if I'm rich and famous, I'll buy myself an island for me and everyone I love. And everyone else shall be banned. And we'll wave at them from our island as the music rocks, the drinks are a-plenty and it's happiness all day every day. (Right now you're thinking, "WHAT is she taking, and where can I get some of that?!" bwahaha... sorry...) Anyway, back on topic...I'll be going in about a month, and will spend about a week with two of my besties. Someone come up with a word for "excited x a bajillion" - and that's what I am. No if's, and's or but's aboot it. :)
There's a lot of other stuff going on, but I want to stay on positive topics. Trying to keep myself up, keep my head outta the sand. I'll be alone next week BUT, I'm going to a great concert in New Orleans tomorrow night (Thriving Ivory & Ryan Star) and on Sunday it'll be a girls day of shopping and a movie. On Wednesday or Thursday a good friend that used to live down here is coming to visit before starting her new job in Americus, GA, so she'll spend the rest of the week with me and the pups (who she used to dog-sit for all the time). Going to be some changes coming soon but I'm trying to be prepared and stay calm and handle things as they come. I keep telling myself it's going to be okay. The one who can make it okay is me, right? I'll be getting some help with that, at least to start. But that's for another time and place.
I'm going to end my incoherent ramblings here. I do want to pimp something just a little. Everyone please check out Poppy Cafe, an amazing new live music venue in Vancouver (http://www.poppycafe.com/). You can check event dates on MySpace (http://www.myspace.com/tallpoppypresents) & follow them on Twitter at @poppycafe for updates. Stay tuned to them for all kinds of great music, brought to you (weekly?) by some pretty fucking amazing folks, frankly. I can say this because I know how fabulous they are, and how talented and capable they are. Expect big things, methinks. The sky is the limit.
So I think that's all. Meds are kicking in, so I think it's sleepy time for this girl. Love love love. xx
I'll be going on a trip next month to see two of the most amazing people I know. Could. Not. Be. MORE. Excited. I don't really want to talk about details but those of you who I know well probably know at least some of them anyway. I just wanted to talk about it a little bit because I'm so, SO excited. There were some other plans that fell through for a later date that I am ridiculously upset about, even still. BUT, I am trying to stay positive and focus on how much I'm looking forward to going somewhere new, especially somewhere so beautiful. And of course, I'm thrilled to see my friends. Beyond thrilled. Sometimes, I wish we could ALL be together in one place. That would be crazy and wonderful. One day, if I'm rich and famous, I'll buy myself an island for me and everyone I love. And everyone else shall be banned. And we'll wave at them from our island as the music rocks, the drinks are a-plenty and it's happiness all day every day. (Right now you're thinking, "WHAT is she taking, and where can I get some of that?!" bwahaha... sorry...) Anyway, back on topic...I'll be going in about a month, and will spend about a week with two of my besties. Someone come up with a word for "excited x a bajillion" - and that's what I am. No if's, and's or but's aboot it. :)
There's a lot of other stuff going on, but I want to stay on positive topics. Trying to keep myself up, keep my head outta the sand. I'll be alone next week BUT, I'm going to a great concert in New Orleans tomorrow night (Thriving Ivory & Ryan Star) and on Sunday it'll be a girls day of shopping and a movie. On Wednesday or Thursday a good friend that used to live down here is coming to visit before starting her new job in Americus, GA, so she'll spend the rest of the week with me and the pups (who she used to dog-sit for all the time). Going to be some changes coming soon but I'm trying to be prepared and stay calm and handle things as they come. I keep telling myself it's going to be okay. The one who can make it okay is me, right? I'll be getting some help with that, at least to start. But that's for another time and place.
I'm going to end my incoherent ramblings here. I do want to pimp something just a little. Everyone please check out Poppy Cafe, an amazing new live music venue in Vancouver (http://www.poppycafe.com/). You can check event dates on MySpace (http://www.myspace.com/tallpoppypresents) & follow them on Twitter at @poppycafe for updates. Stay tuned to them for all kinds of great music, brought to you (weekly?) by some pretty fucking amazing folks, frankly. I can say this because I know how fabulous they are, and how talented and capable they are. Expect big things, methinks. The sky is the limit.
So I think that's all. Meds are kicking in, so I think it's sleepy time for this girl. Love love love. xx
Saturday, August 7, 2010
We'd Bring Back Me & You, In Part Two
I love watching movies. I find it weirdly calming, even if the move itself isn't necessarily a calm movie. Then again, it's not like I watch scary, gory flicks...I can't handle them. I'm a huge baby. I like romantic comedies and some "action/suspense" stuff (and by that I mean like...Armageddon, Air Force One, etc.)...so really nothing very hardcore. The scariest movie I've ever seen is probably The Village. And that was on accident, cuz I didn't know what it was about. I like trilogies/series...I guess I like being able to watch the continuation of characters and/or storylines I really like. Today's flicks include Dazed & Confused, and The Mighty Ducks trilogy. I do love sports movies...which is weird because I don't really like watching sports. I also kinda love Joshua Jackson and Emilio Estevez. (EMILIOOOOOOOO!!!)
Anyway, you can't usually go wrong with Disney. I can't anyway. I love everything Disney...Disney movies, Disney music, Disney World/land...all of it. My husband thinks half my brain is still a teenager. He may be right. But I don't necessarily think there's anything wrong with that. I've always been told I'm fairly mature for my age as far as life matters and whatnot, so I think it can be a good thing to have a childlike view in some cases. What's the harm in liking silly pop music, or silly movies, or wanting everything to have a happy ending? Not that I'm naive; I'm well aware that life isn't just "happily ever after" ... things don't work that way. But how much simpler was everything when we were young, and without responsibility, without worry? If some form of entertainment allows us to escape the pressures of the real world for a few minutes, an hour or two, what's the harm in that?
Anyway, I thought that I'd make a list of some of my favorite movies. Just for fun. Cuz I'm sure you're dying to know. But, if you haven't seen any of them, you should check them out. Netflix is pretty great...and if you watch movies as much as I do, you definitely get your money's worth, haha. Leave me some good rec's in the comments section. Just remember I don't do scary, yucky or sucky. ;)
Star Wars (obviously)
Grease
Dirty Dancing (I even liked the sequel)
August Rush
Robin Hood: Men In Tights
Spaceballs
Indiana Jones
The Notebook
Fanboys (only if you've seen Star Wars)
Finding Neverland
Harry Potter
Pretty Woman
Hairspray (I like the newer version better)
PS: I Love You
Ladybugs
Rush Hour Trilogy
The Bourne Trilogy
The Pirates of the Carribean Trilogy
Ocean's 11 & 12
Titanic
Ace Ventura 1 & 2 (but mostly 2)
13 Going On 30
Um...*mumblesquickly*HighSchoolMusical*cough*
The Holiday
Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Walk The Line
Enchanted
The Guardian
Tin Cup
Sleepless In Seattle
Meet The Fockers
How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days
LOTR
Splash
Big
Man on Fire
Sweet Home Alabama
That Thing You Do!
Field of Dreams
A League of Their Own
Remember The Titans
Rounders
The Bodyguard
Blazing Saddles (was my dad's absolute most favorite movie ever)
Catch Me If You Can
Pride & Prejudice
....tons more, but that's all for now I think. You're welcome.
xoxo
Anyway, you can't usually go wrong with Disney. I can't anyway. I love everything Disney...Disney movies, Disney music, Disney World/land...all of it. My husband thinks half my brain is still a teenager. He may be right. But I don't necessarily think there's anything wrong with that. I've always been told I'm fairly mature for my age as far as life matters and whatnot, so I think it can be a good thing to have a childlike view in some cases. What's the harm in liking silly pop music, or silly movies, or wanting everything to have a happy ending? Not that I'm naive; I'm well aware that life isn't just "happily ever after" ... things don't work that way. But how much simpler was everything when we were young, and without responsibility, without worry? If some form of entertainment allows us to escape the pressures of the real world for a few minutes, an hour or two, what's the harm in that?
Anyway, I thought that I'd make a list of some of my favorite movies. Just for fun. Cuz I'm sure you're dying to know. But, if you haven't seen any of them, you should check them out. Netflix is pretty great...and if you watch movies as much as I do, you definitely get your money's worth, haha. Leave me some good rec's in the comments section. Just remember I don't do scary, yucky or sucky. ;)
Star Wars (obviously)
Grease
Dirty Dancing (I even liked the sequel)
August Rush
Robin Hood: Men In Tights
Spaceballs
Indiana Jones
The Notebook
Fanboys (only if you've seen Star Wars)
Finding Neverland
Harry Potter
Pretty Woman
Hairspray (I like the newer version better)
PS: I Love You
Ladybugs
Rush Hour Trilogy
The Bourne Trilogy
The Pirates of the Carribean Trilogy
Ocean's 11 & 12
Titanic
Ace Ventura 1 & 2 (but mostly 2)
13 Going On 30
Um...*mumblesquickly*HighSchoolMusical*cough*
The Holiday
Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Walk The Line
Enchanted
The Guardian
Tin Cup
Sleepless In Seattle
Meet The Fockers
How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days
LOTR
Splash
Big
Man on Fire
Sweet Home Alabama
That Thing You Do!
Field of Dreams
A League of Their Own
Remember The Titans
Rounders
The Bodyguard
Blazing Saddles (was my dad's absolute most favorite movie ever)
Catch Me If You Can
Pride & Prejudice
....tons more, but that's all for now I think. You're welcome.
xoxo
Thursday, August 5, 2010
He Said, She Said
Do you ever feel like everyone knows something you don't? Like there's some big secret you've been left out of? That's my days yesterday and today. I know it's in my head, and I know I do this to myself. It's the effect of having a crap week and all of my insecurities working together to make myself feel out of place, unwanted and like I've done something wrong. Why do I always do this to myself? The second I think I see something "different" or something "changed" I think the worst and work myself up over what always turns out to be absolutely nothing.
Two things are wrong with this. First of all, I shouldn't need this constant reassurance I apparently crave. I am a good person, I strive to be the best I can. I'm a good friend. I keep my word and I keep my mouth shut when I'm supposed to. I'm not perfect and I make mistakes, but no one is and we all do. I love my friends and they (hopefully) know this.
Secondly, it's not the responsibility of the people in my life to have to meet that ridiculous need. I would hope anyone I actually consider to be my friend would come to me if they had a problem with me, just like I would with them, and that should be enough.
This is so stupid, and I don't know why I do it. It makes me mad at myself. And it's probably really irritating to everyone else. I know I have a lot of shit I need to work on...this is just one more thing. I hoped maybe trying to put shit into words would get some stuff outta my head but I don't know anymore. I feel completely helpless to everything this week...like anything that can go wrong will. Which is probably why I'm being stupid and feeling this way. I guess it's life...it'll get better eventually. What's that saying.... 'God won't give me more than I can handle. But I sure wish he didn't trust me so damn much.'
I appreciate the love. Frankly, I appreciate you dealing with my stupid ass. Love love. xx
Two things are wrong with this. First of all, I shouldn't need this constant reassurance I apparently crave. I am a good person, I strive to be the best I can. I'm a good friend. I keep my word and I keep my mouth shut when I'm supposed to. I'm not perfect and I make mistakes, but no one is and we all do. I love my friends and they (hopefully) know this.
Secondly, it's not the responsibility of the people in my life to have to meet that ridiculous need. I would hope anyone I actually consider to be my friend would come to me if they had a problem with me, just like I would with them, and that should be enough.
This is so stupid, and I don't know why I do it. It makes me mad at myself. And it's probably really irritating to everyone else. I know I have a lot of shit I need to work on...this is just one more thing. I hoped maybe trying to put shit into words would get some stuff outta my head but I don't know anymore. I feel completely helpless to everything this week...like anything that can go wrong will. Which is probably why I'm being stupid and feeling this way. I guess it's life...it'll get better eventually. What's that saying.... 'God won't give me more than I can handle. But I sure wish he didn't trust me so damn much.'
I appreciate the love. Frankly, I appreciate you dealing with my stupid ass. Love love. xx
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Sing Us A Song, You're the Piano Man...
Someone is playing the piano. I swear I could wake, sleep, LIVE to someone playing the piano all the time. If I was rich, one of the silly things I'd do is hire someone to just play the piano in my house all the time. I recently realized how calming and soothing I find the sound. I'd like to learn quite a few instruments (as I play none), but I think that would be my first choice. Followed by the drums, and then guitar. I should probably switch those around since I barely have enough coordination to walk without hurting myself half the time, but still. I've just always been really fascinated with drums.
I started watching Glee. Have already watched 10 episodes, gonna do more tonight. I like it...though some of the drama is a little frustrating. I kinda just wish they would break into song all the time and have that be that. Oh and Mr. Shoe's wife is a fucking psychopath. I hope she gets what's coming to her in the end. Same with Quinn...what a lying bitch. This is why I tend not to pick up new TV shows...I get a little too emotionally involved. But I love the music aspect of it and some of the spins they put on songs. And the mash-ups are AMAZEBALLS. People should make mash-ups in real life. They're mind-blowing.
I have a new silly goal. I want to listen to at least one new song every day. I tend to get obsessed with my music, especially when I get NEW music, I can't seem to turn it off. I have a library of like 4500+ songs and I probably haven't even heard a ton of them, which is just silly. I need to step out of my little box and expand. It blows my mind the amount of music out in the world...like music we've never heard of and will probably never hear of in our entire lives. I just know I always get excited when I find something new I really like so I'm going to try to actively find new stuff each day.
Plans are in the works...this excites me. It excites me a lot. That's all I really have to say about that. That and that I hope certain people don't...thwart them. (Hahahaha. I don't think I've ever used that word in my life.) Of course even if they did, it'd be for good reason, which I would be excited about. But still... Yeah. Ignore me.
Sometimes I really don't think people read/listen to anything I say. It's like I'm just saying things for my own health, not for their information or assistance or whatevs. It's just frustrating...at least read an initial bit of information or something, ya know? Otherwise don't be pissed off when you don't know what's going on...it's your own fault.
That's all my randomness for today. Love love. xx
I started watching Glee. Have already watched 10 episodes, gonna do more tonight. I like it...though some of the drama is a little frustrating. I kinda just wish they would break into song all the time and have that be that. Oh and Mr. Shoe's wife is a fucking psychopath. I hope she gets what's coming to her in the end. Same with Quinn...what a lying bitch. This is why I tend not to pick up new TV shows...I get a little too emotionally involved. But I love the music aspect of it and some of the spins they put on songs. And the mash-ups are AMAZEBALLS. People should make mash-ups in real life. They're mind-blowing.
I have a new silly goal. I want to listen to at least one new song every day. I tend to get obsessed with my music, especially when I get NEW music, I can't seem to turn it off. I have a library of like 4500+ songs and I probably haven't even heard a ton of them, which is just silly. I need to step out of my little box and expand. It blows my mind the amount of music out in the world...like music we've never heard of and will probably never hear of in our entire lives. I just know I always get excited when I find something new I really like so I'm going to try to actively find new stuff each day.
Plans are in the works...this excites me. It excites me a lot. That's all I really have to say about that. That and that I hope certain people don't...thwart them. (Hahahaha. I don't think I've ever used that word in my life.) Of course even if they did, it'd be for good reason, which I would be excited about. But still... Yeah. Ignore me.
Sometimes I really don't think people read/listen to anything I say. It's like I'm just saying things for my own health, not for their information or assistance or whatevs. It's just frustrating...at least read an initial bit of information or something, ya know? Otherwise don't be pissed off when you don't know what's going on...it's your own fault.
That's all my randomness for today. Love love. xx
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