Isolation.

Sitting alone, wrapped in a blanket, I'm staring at the TV but not actually watching.
The wheels in my head keep turning, even though I try to stop them.
Stop them, slow them, fuck - remove them completely.
At this point it'd be better that way.

I wish I could lay down and sleep for a week. Or maybe a month. Maybe longer...
I wish I could take a break from life.
I wish I knew how to be okay.

No one can fully understand. Especially when I can't rightly explain.
The only one I can talk to I'm afraid to.
My heart feels like it might explode. Happy, sad. Elated, breaking.
How is it possible to go from one extreme to the other so fluidly?
Why can't I control my fucking brain?
I know it's just me. I think.

For the first time I can remember, I feel like me again.
I smile all the time. I laugh all the time.
I feel confident. I feel alive.
At least I did...

I don't want to cry. I don't want to mess up. I don't want to lose. I don't want more pain.
I'm doing it to myself. I think.