There are some people in our lives that we will never be good enough for. No matter how hard we try, no matter what we do, no matter how far out of our way we go - it'll never be enough for them. Yet even knowing that some people are like this, we still try to please them or impress them or make them proud of us. And we're let down when it doesn't work. Why? Knowing it's impossible to have their full approval or confidence should allow us to not try so hard and just be confident and happy within ourselves, no matter what they say (or don't say). Maybe that's why I have such issue with it, because of the insecurity and confidence problems that I have...I'm not sure. I just know that no matter how many times I tell myself it is what it is, and that it doesn't matter what I do, I somehow still get my hopes up that maybe something will be different. Maybe it'll actually be all good, non-judgmental comments. Maybe, for just ONCE, it'll be "I'm proud of you." End of sentence. Maybe for once I'LL be good enough. I guess I set myself up to fail. After all, it's just how they are, and you can't expect people to change (especially when they've been like that their whole life). And besides that, the only person we should have to worry about being "good enough" for is ourself. I guess I am just not there yet.
My confidence is shot to shit. I let it get to me again, even though I said I wouldn't. And I've knocked myself down on top of it. I'm trying to pick myself back up. I'm trying really, really hard. It's just snowballing. Aaaaaaaaaaaaas usual. I've gotta get outta my fucking head. Like for serious. Can somebody teach me how to do that? Please?
I have multiple things to look forward to in the next couple of months...I should be excited. Well, I AM excited. Incredibly, ecstatically, blissfully excited. But I want that to be the most prominent emotion in my life right now. I want to ONLY look forward to these happy things, and seeing the people I love, and feeling...the way these people make me feel when I'm with them. I feel so empty right now. I'm so tired of goodbyes. I hate missing people. I know that having such amazing people in my life is the reason I miss them as much as I do, and I am beyond thankful for that. But it's really hard. Really, really hard. Distance really fucking blows. Like hardcore. Fuck.
I just don't feel like I've got any strength left anymore.
I'm tired.
Exhausted, really.
Love you babe. Remember you're not alone.
ReplyDeletehoney you are good enough for the right person. If someone makes you feel that way then THEY aren't good enough for you. xoxox love you endlessly
ReplyDeleteI really wish we lived closer to each other so we could just sit and talk. I'd listen for hours... and I'm sure you'd do the same.
ReplyDeleteI know I've never actually met you in person, but what I can tell for 100% truth is that you are a very sweet, caring person that, like me, you wear your heart on your sleeve. You seek appreciation and acceptance from others, but sometimes just don't get it, for reasons we just don't understand. Try to brush off negativity and bad energy and do the very best for YOU and the rest will fall into place. You are your biggest critic and you know, sometimes you need to be good to YOU!
Love & light - xoxo! April
Keep your chin