Do you ever feel like everyone knows something you don't? Like there's some big secret you've been left out of? That's my days yesterday and today. I know it's in my head, and I know I do this to myself. It's the effect of having a crap week and all of my insecurities working together to make myself feel out of place, unwanted and like I've done something wrong. Why do I always do this to myself? The second I think I see something "different" or something "changed" I think the worst and work myself up over what always turns out to be absolutely nothing.
Two things are wrong with this. First of all, I shouldn't need this constant reassurance I apparently crave. I am a good person, I strive to be the best I can. I'm a good friend. I keep my word and I keep my mouth shut when I'm supposed to. I'm not perfect and I make mistakes, but no one is and we all do. I love my friends and they (hopefully) know this.
Secondly, it's not the responsibility of the people in my life to have to meet that ridiculous need. I would hope anyone I actually consider to be my friend would come to me if they had a problem with me, just like I would with them, and that should be enough.
This is so stupid, and I don't know why I do it. It makes me mad at myself. And it's probably really irritating to everyone else. I know I have a lot of shit I need to work on...this is just one more thing. I hoped maybe trying to put shit into words would get some stuff outta my head but I don't know anymore. I feel completely helpless to everything this week...like anything that can go wrong will. Which is probably why I'm being stupid and feeling this way. I guess it's life...it'll get better eventually. What's that saying.... 'God won't give me more than I can handle. But I sure wish he didn't trust me so damn much.'
I appreciate the love. Frankly, I appreciate you dealing with my stupid ass. Love love. xx
love you babe! you are the peanut butter to my jelly
ReplyDeleteyou are not a stupid ass... we don't DEAL with u.
ReplyDeletepeople are drawn to you because you are a kind soul with an AMAZING sense of humour.... (notice the U in humour, cuz that's how we canucks roll).
people do go to friends when they need something, need to talk, etc... but sometimes it is a blog like this reminding friends that you are there for that that will lead to that... y'know?
insecurities make u human... they make you caring loren... i don't always wanna hear u are unsure of yourself, because you are a beautiful, intelligent, well-spoken person... but know that anytime you feel unsure, that you will always have a crew ready to read your stuff and remind u how much you mean to them...
ps: you matter to me :)
luv ya!
I'm sorry... I just can't stand it when you eat mustard. It's a friendship deal breaker....
ReplyDeleteNo seriously, we all feel that way sometimes. Your friends are here for you anytime!
I go through this all the time. *hugs* If I say too much more, I'll either cry or write a huge screed, so I'll just say that I know where you're coming from.
ReplyDeleteOops, I probably didn't help that feeling any, did I, with my silly twitter changes? Sorry, hon!
ReplyDeleteI know I feel left out a lot, but I have an excuse. You have so much going for you, and from my perspective, you are quite the social blossom, because people seem to be drawn to you.
You are a wonderful friend (not just 'good')and you know how much I love and trust you. I know you love me, too. I'm very blessed by that.
Chin up, hon. Don't sweat the small stuff.
Love & lemurs.
We all feel the same way from time to time. It's totally normal and understandable. I used to spend hours over analyzing a situation, and inspecting each minute detail. Nowadays, I just feel like I never get the "inside" joke, but I've learned to just laugh at that aspect of myself. I'm okay being the "strange one" in the crowd. ;)
ReplyDeleteAnd I still love ya, no matter what!
xoxo
Loren, everyone has insecurities. Anyone that tells ya that they don't, well... they just aren't being honest with themselves. No one will think less of you for them. Atleast, no true friend would. I know I have my insecurities, and I have learned, those that don't judge me for what I am insecure about, are in fact, my true friends. Love you. Keep that head up beautiful lady.
ReplyDeletelove love love xxx