I think it's difficult for (many) people to not complain or pity themselves when they are in a bad or crappy situation. Speaking for me, I know that when I let myself get down (because no one/nothing can make us feel or be any way unless we allow it to) that I want to vent and whine and complain about how bad it is. The thing is that more than likely, there's someone, somewhere who is going through or dealing with something much worse than what I am. Something may feel like the end of (my) world and sometimes I feel like I have nothing left in myself to live for. Learning how to deal with stressful situations and how to cope with bad things in life that we have no control over is something that I think you have to do with experience. And for some of us it's obviously harder than others, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. And actually it doesn't mean we're weak. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. You have to find a way to grow and learn; if you continue to do what you've always done, you'll always end up with the same results.
If you have deliberately done something to put yourself in a situation... suck it up and deal with it like an adult. Take responsibility for your actions and don't try to find someone who will take pity on you so you can justify something to yourself or make yourself feel better. We can ask for forgiveness but unfortunately it doesn't mean it has to be given. Sometimes it just can't be forgiven... That's life. Nobody is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. The difference, in my opinion, is that there are mistakes and then there are actions that directly reflect your character and your morals and your values in life. Basically, things we do are a huge part of what defines us. We can say a lot of things but if our actions don't reflect that or are the complete opposite, then what do words really mean? You can be upset if people lose their trust in you or their respect for you and/or don't want to have you in their lives -- no one has any right to tell you how you can or can't feel about something. But remember that they also have every right to feel how they do and also that those feelings are a direct effect of actions that you took or things that you said or did. And just because someone may not be directly involved in a situation doesn't mean they can't also be hurt or have an opinion about it.
Unrelated situationally, but sort of related I suppose... Someone said to me recently, "How does anything anyone else thinks ever actually affect me?" I have never thought before about just how true that is. Obviously it can be upsetting if someone doesn't like us or doesn't agree with decisions we make or things we do or anything else. I absolutely hate it if people don't like me. But why do I need their acceptance? What makes them so special that my happiness (for lack of a better word) should be based off of their opinion of me? There is no reason. I have amazing people in my life and those people are with me for some reason(s) and that's something that I know I need to remember. Sometimes other people can see things within us that we can't, for whatever reason. Judgment is a part of life; someone, somewhere will always be judging us in some way. It's about living with yourself and coming to terms with your actions and words and life experiences. The things we do will always be a part of and a reflection of us, good or bad. Some will stand out more than others, good or bad. Some won't matter five years from now and some will. I try to live my life with respect, honesty, compassion, kindness and love. We all falter at some point to some extent. There are, however, certain things I know I will never do and certain lines that I will never cross. The past is the past and there is absolutely no way to change it, so it's not worth dwelling on. If you did something shitty - doesn't matter, you can't go back and change it. But you can continue to be the person who did it or you can become a better person. You can't change the past or make it go away, but your future is (at least partially) within your control. What you choose to do is on you.
To an extent I think we're defined by our lives up to this point, at least outwardly as far as how other people see us. I want people to see me in a positive light, but I am at least content within myself with how I've lived my life and how I continue to try live my life, with the things that I value and want and do etc. etc. That's not to say I haven't made any mistakes because I most definitely have. I mean that I've come to terms with decisions I've made and things I've done for myself. No one is responsible for my life except for me. I was unhappy with my life and myself. I could decide to work to change it and make it better or I could pity myself and continue to look to others to give me "happiness" that in reality can only come from me. I haven't gotten to where I need/want to be yet, but I'm working on it and figuring it out. The responsibility is mine and mine alone. Others can support us and help us up when we fall but it ultimately comes down to only ourselves. It comes down to me.
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