Some things in life are really sad. The last week has been kind of crazy. I've had to watch a father and husband, who doesn't know how to act like an adult and/or control his temper, lose everything in a matter of 12 hours. Because he doesn't understand that you cannot handle situations with violence, especially not with a woman (especially not a woman who is your wife) and especially not with your child. The sad part is that he's a good dad, and I know he loves his child. I even believe he loves his wife, although he obviously doesn't know the appropriate way to treat her. And now because of some incredibly stupid, inexcusable actions on his part, he's lost his family, his home and is likely going to spend some time in jail to boot.
It saddens me that this kind of shit exists in the world. I guess you always hear about "domestic violence" and horrible crimes that people commit, but I have never really seen it first-hand. I guess in some ways I'm still naive to the world. On the "up side" I guess, for lack of a better term, I also saw a really strong woman finally make a decision I think she'd been scared to make before. She finally did what she knew she needed to for HER. I hate to see anyone have to go through something like this, but I'm happy for the fact that even though it's hard now, she is going to be so much better off, and so much happier in the long run.
Situations like this I would think would really put my life and my problems into perspective. And it really does... But it also makes me feel like a really shitty person, and maybe I am. When I talked to one of my best friends about this earlier, she said, "You have your reasons. It doesn't make your reasons less valid but things could be far worse, that's true." What I am going through may not compare even slightly to what I've witnessed other people fight through and overcome, but I guess in my "world" what I'm going through is my "big fight." And the sad part is that I haven't even been able to overcome it and be strong enough. I guess we all have it in us to make it through anything, we just have to finally figure out how.
Some people that tell you they'll always be there just aren't. You shouldn't "have" to rely on people, but I don't think it's wrong to put your faith in them when they tell you you can, when they tell you they want you to. When they tell you they care and if nothing else are there to listen. What I think some don't realize is that, it's not even necessarily that you want to talk about everything, or that you have "drama" or that you want them to give you advice... Sometimes you just want to know that you aren't alone. Sometimes you want to be reminded that someone has your back no matter what. Sometimes you want to know someone still believes in you, even when you no longer believe in yourself. Sometimes you just want to know your friends still love you despite yourself and stupid things you may say or do.
It saddens me that this kind of shit exists in the world. I guess you always hear about "domestic violence" and horrible crimes that people commit, but I have never really seen it first-hand. I guess in some ways I'm still naive to the world. On the "up side" I guess, for lack of a better term, I also saw a really strong woman finally make a decision I think she'd been scared to make before. She finally did what she knew she needed to for HER. I hate to see anyone have to go through something like this, but I'm happy for the fact that even though it's hard now, she is going to be so much better off, and so much happier in the long run.
Situations like this I would think would really put my life and my problems into perspective. And it really does... But it also makes me feel like a really shitty person, and maybe I am. When I talked to one of my best friends about this earlier, she said, "You have your reasons. It doesn't make your reasons less valid but things could be far worse, that's true." What I am going through may not compare even slightly to what I've witnessed other people fight through and overcome, but I guess in my "world" what I'm going through is my "big fight." And the sad part is that I haven't even been able to overcome it and be strong enough. I guess we all have it in us to make it through anything, we just have to finally figure out how.
Some people that tell you they'll always be there just aren't. You shouldn't "have" to rely on people, but I don't think it's wrong to put your faith in them when they tell you you can, when they tell you they want you to. When they tell you they care and if nothing else are there to listen. What I think some don't realize is that, it's not even necessarily that you want to talk about everything, or that you have "drama" or that you want them to give you advice... Sometimes you just want to know that you aren't alone. Sometimes you want to be reminded that someone has your back no matter what. Sometimes you want to know someone still believes in you, even when you no longer believe in yourself. Sometimes you just want to know your friends still love you despite yourself and stupid things you may say or do.
Sometimes...you just want things to be how they were.
Although I'm feeling discouraged and frustrated with myself and have struggled more this week than in a long time, I feel awed and inspired by not only the strength I've seen in the last 24 hours from someone younger and stronger than me, but by the positivity and drive and confidence that some people display and hold onto regardless of what life throws at them. By people who don't allow "bad" things in life to get to them because they are able to focus on all of the good in their world around them and remember the important things in life, despite anything else. People who always let the ones they love know that they love them, because their selves and their lives are influenced just as much by these people as ours are by them. People who always take care of themselves and are also always there for the people they love regardless of what's going on in their own busy lives.
It's those people that give me hope when I feel that I've all but lost it. It's those people that remind me I'll always make it through anything, even if it might not feel like it. And they remind me that sometime, some day, it will get better. It has to.
I'm so blessed with the people in my life. Thank you, all, for all that you are. And for seeing me even when I've lost myself.
Xx
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