As a lot of you know, I've been doing a lot of reflection lately ... both within myself and with my life as a whole. I feel like I've had some sort of epiphany of sorts. While I don't know to who or what I owe this, I'm incredibly grateful for it. I feel as though I've spent years fighting, to no avail, to be just a little bit happier, have a little bit more energy, be a little bit more positive. I started to think that it was just in my genes, and I was out of luck, it's just how I was. Destined to be stressed and unhappy. I had very little hope left at all. When you lose hope ... it's like ... you're stuck at the bottom of a big fucking ditch ... not even a ditch, more like a crater or something. And you're just lying there in the dirt at the bottom. And there's no sound, no light, no life. You're just there, and you'll be there forever, and there's no way out of it so there's no use in trying. I never, ever want to be in that hole again. And it's like now, seemingly suddenly, I realize what I have to do and what needs to change in my life. Within me, and in my surroundings.
I am sad today. Maybe sad isn't the right word ... disappointed, perhaps? Not sure. I just wish I could control my emotions more. Possess a little more patience. It's incredibly frustrating knowing how I should act/react to things, but not being able to make my brain work that way. It's all a work in progress ... I mean, our reactions to things and situations are often a huge impact on the end result. And if we overstress about something or worry needlessly about what may or may not happen, or if something is out of our control, all we are doing is making it harder on ourselves. If we can't control it, why can't we just sit back and let it take its course? Or worse, to create issues that aren't even there, but just may happen. Anything could happen, but it doesn't mean it will. I think in the past for me, preparing for the worst always made things a little bit easier when they didn't get that far. "Sweet, not as bad as I expected!" But at the same time, my stress levels have always been off the charts. We go through enough in our lives that we have to endure because that's just the way life goes. To add more onto our plates with everything else for no reason is silly. Someone told me once that when something happens, to take a step back and ask myself, "Okay. This sucks. But, is it going to matter tomorrow? In three days? In a week? In a month?" If the answer is "no", then it's time to stop stressing about it and just deal with it however necessary, if necessary, or just let it go. This is something I always seem to think about a split second after I've gone into "crisis mode". My goal on this new avenue of my life is to make this my initial thought/reaction, instead of the afterthought.
Sometimes, I don't want to forgive people. Is it ever okay to hold a grudge? Does not liking someone's actions or morals (or lack thereof) make it okay to not want anything to do with them? If someone apologizes to you, even if they mean it, is it okay to just be like, "Ya know what? Sorry. But I don't want your drama or your two-facedness in my life. It's not healthy for you, and I don't want to be associated with it." I don't wish harm or ill-will on anyone, I would never do that. But I'm a very honest person, and for the most part I think I'm a pretty "good" person as far as what I believe and the way I live my life. I expect to get what I give when it comes to friendships ... and by that I mean trust, support, confidence, love..... I don't like when people use others. I don't like when people lie and cheat and steal. I don't like when people are disrespectful. I don't like when people think they're better than others. I don't like "one-uppers". I don't like when people don't understand boundaries. Is it wrong to not want those kinds of people in my life, even if they are not truly bad people? Maybe just happen to have some misguided thoughts or ideals? Sometimes I don't know. Maybe we all just need to focus on ourselves, and having positivity in our lives? I'm just a very guilty person. I feel bad. But maybe it's time to start looking out for me, and to not be so concerned with everyone else for once in my life. It'll always be hard, but that doesn't mean it's wrong. Everyone shows their true colors eventually. I just like to show mine up front. What you see is what you get with me. I don't like when people don't like me. But I can't change their opinions, especially if I don't even know why they don't. My family loves me and my friends love me. That should always be enough. It is enough. It will be enough.
I find it funny how differently two people who live together can do everything ... the way they put their clothes on a hanger, the way the toilet paper hangs, the way they clean something, the way they make the bed, the way they do laundry, the way they organize things. How do we get the little idiosyncrasies that we have? I literally like can't handle it when the toilet paper isn't "over" ... it makes me cringe. What does it matter? It doesn't change how it works, or its purpose. I just don't know why anyone would do it the other way. As if it's so very different.
Yeah. This is the stupid stuff I think about.
xx
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Complete & Total Randomness.
Of the many, many things I've been thinking about all week, I've been thinking about my likes and dislikes. That sounds silly, but there's actually some real reason behind it. In the process of trying to look "deep within" myself, I've also found a lot of silly things. Some obvious, some not so much. I've realized that I don't know if I've changed all that much since I was younger. I don't know if that's good or bad. A lot of times I feel like I've changed in bad ways....I used to be energetic, and fun, and...I dunno. But, I have an urge to write and with way too many serious thoughts going on, I figured I'd share this unimportant randomness instead. Since I know y'all are SO interested. Anyway...
I like funny TV. I like walking on the beach. I like sunsets. I like long talks. I like long talks about nothing important. I like watching my dogs play and act stupid. I like driving when there's no traffic. I like listening to 90's music really loud on my surround sound. I like that my friends can make me smile when I feel the worst. I like Easy Mac. I like blankets, and socks. I like putting a face with a screenname. I like finding people all over the world that make my heart smile. I like sappy stories. I like anything wedding-related. I like SEVEN. I like Disney music. I like not having to be at work until 11AM (even though sometimes that's still too early). I like that my work makes a difference, no matter how small. I like the possibility that maybe somehow, I make someone's day a little bit brighter.
I don't like missing people. I don't like when my friends hurt. I don't like when I can't help others. I don't like to go to bed without saying goodnight. I don't like feeling inadequate. I don't like that I make myself feel inadequate. I don't like rain (unless I'm sleeping). I don't like traffic. I don't like spicy food. I don't like animals being mistreated. I don't like being so far from everyone I love. I don't like most of the music on the radio today. I don't like cheating or lying. I don't like death or sickness. I don't like hate. I don't like jealousy. I don't like stupidity. I don't like two-faced bitches. I don't like disrespectful people. I don't like that the world is so full of unhappiness and suffering.
I love my family. I love my friends. I love my pups. I love music. I love live music even more. I love how music introduces me to other music that introduces me to other music. I love that my sister will always be my sister, even though there's no blood relation. I love that my true friends always have my back, even if I'm sometimes wrong and make mistakes. I love Star Wars. I love Harry Potter. I love that sometimes, it's okay to be a nerd (or at least I'll tell myself that). I love happy endings, even if they're predictable. I love Craig Ferguson's "awkward pauses". I love planning trips. I love California. I love when people love something as much as I do. I love knowing someone will always understand. I love feeling like I've known someone forever when we've only just met. I love the unexpected (when it's good). I love love, in all of its forms.
I think, regardless of what we like or don't, love or hate...life is gonna be what we make of it. Of course there are going to be things that are out of our control; that's inevitable. But it's time to start at least trying to make it what I want it to be. It isn't going to happen on its own. That may mean taking a stand for what we think is right and what we believe in. It may mean having to repeat ourselves a hundred times. Every opportunity is exactly that...it's a chance, and it has to be acknowledged. My beliefs are all kinds of crazy but I do believe that things happen for a reason, and people are sent into our lives for a reason. Sometimes even the smallest actions or choices can have an impact that we never even imagined. Sometimes you can meet a person by total random chance and they can turn out to be one of your closest friends for the rest of your life. It's just the way life works. It's the only life we get...and I've decided it's time to start living it to the best of my ability. Happily, healthily, and with the people I love.
xx
I like funny TV. I like walking on the beach. I like sunsets. I like long talks. I like long talks about nothing important. I like watching my dogs play and act stupid. I like driving when there's no traffic. I like listening to 90's music really loud on my surround sound. I like that my friends can make me smile when I feel the worst. I like Easy Mac. I like blankets, and socks. I like putting a face with a screenname. I like finding people all over the world that make my heart smile. I like sappy stories. I like anything wedding-related. I like SEVEN. I like Disney music. I like not having to be at work until 11AM (even though sometimes that's still too early). I like that my work makes a difference, no matter how small. I like the possibility that maybe somehow, I make someone's day a little bit brighter.
I don't like missing people. I don't like when my friends hurt. I don't like when I can't help others. I don't like to go to bed without saying goodnight. I don't like feeling inadequate. I don't like that I make myself feel inadequate. I don't like rain (unless I'm sleeping). I don't like traffic. I don't like spicy food. I don't like animals being mistreated. I don't like being so far from everyone I love. I don't like most of the music on the radio today. I don't like cheating or lying. I don't like death or sickness. I don't like hate. I don't like jealousy. I don't like stupidity. I don't like two-faced bitches. I don't like disrespectful people. I don't like that the world is so full of unhappiness and suffering.
I love my family. I love my friends. I love my pups. I love music. I love live music even more. I love how music introduces me to other music that introduces me to other music. I love that my sister will always be my sister, even though there's no blood relation. I love that my true friends always have my back, even if I'm sometimes wrong and make mistakes. I love Star Wars. I love Harry Potter. I love that sometimes, it's okay to be a nerd (or at least I'll tell myself that). I love happy endings, even if they're predictable. I love Craig Ferguson's "awkward pauses". I love planning trips. I love California. I love when people love something as much as I do. I love knowing someone will always understand. I love feeling like I've known someone forever when we've only just met. I love the unexpected (when it's good). I love love, in all of its forms.
I think, regardless of what we like or don't, love or hate...life is gonna be what we make of it. Of course there are going to be things that are out of our control; that's inevitable. But it's time to start at least trying to make it what I want it to be. It isn't going to happen on its own. That may mean taking a stand for what we think is right and what we believe in. It may mean having to repeat ourselves a hundred times. Every opportunity is exactly that...it's a chance, and it has to be acknowledged. My beliefs are all kinds of crazy but I do believe that things happen for a reason, and people are sent into our lives for a reason. Sometimes even the smallest actions or choices can have an impact that we never even imagined. Sometimes you can meet a person by total random chance and they can turn out to be one of your closest friends for the rest of your life. It's just the way life works. It's the only life we get...and I've decided it's time to start living it to the best of my ability. Happily, healthily, and with the people I love.
xx
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Repost from Tumblr: Love.
“In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” ~Albert Schweitzer
I’ve been meaning/wanting to blog. I spent yesterday during my (shittastic) travels and a good deal of today trying to figure out how to put it all into words. How do you take everything in your heart and just lay it out for other people to understand? I’m not sure it’s totally possible, but we’ll give it a try and see where we go.
This was, without a doubt, the trip of a lifetime. If I had any expectations, they were so hugely exceeded it’s as if they didn’t exist in the first place. Going to LA gave me an opportunity to see a friend that I haven’t seen in about 6 years, and have known for about 13. It’s amazing to me that friendships created at 15 years old can carry into our adult lives and still exist there, even when we don’t talk or see each other all the time. This person, who I haven’t seen in SO long, included me in her life, drove my ass around the city, and never once complained about where I wanted to go or how late I was running. Without even a second thought. This is a truly good person. Thank you, Cat, for EVERYTHING over the last week and a half. I hope 25 is the best year yet and it holds only the best things for you.
In the midst of LA, I was given an awesome opportunity to go to Las Vegas for two days to see my besties, none of whom live near me, and I couldn’t even consider passing up an opportunity to see them when they were only a few hours from where I was. We arrived on Thursday and spent the day eating and hanging out until everyone arrived. That night we went to see Bobby Long’s show at the Hard Rock Hotel. I’ll be honest that I really had no intention of or interest in seeing Bobby this time around. Not that I had anything against him, it just…it’s hard to explain. It wasn’t something that was really high up on my list, I guess. I am SO glad that I had the opportunity to see him again. He seemed more confident and happy playing with a band, and I loved the show. The best part was getting to see such a fantastic show with my girls and meeting some ridiculously kind, sweet new people. All I’m going to say on the subject is - don’t judge someone by who they are (or who you think they are). Jealousy is a horrible thing and in the end you’re the one who comes off looking like an ass. Just remember that it’s stupid to hate on someone who you’ve never even met, let alone who’s never done anything to you personally. That night changed my opinions on a lot of things…. I’m not going to go into details, cuz it’s really not anyone’s business. I’m just really thankful for the courtesy, kindness, openness and time that I was given. I never would’ve expected so much. Thank you, and I wish nothing but the best.
Friday we had a lovely breakfast, spent some time out by the pool and then Ali got me all dolled up and took some photos. Ali is an amazing photographer and she’s putting something together for me to give to my husband for when he deploys later this year. You can see my Twitter avi for one small example of what she can do (@RockstarJedi) and you can also visit her blog at http://www.aliparkerphotography.blogspot.com/ to see much more. She travels….just sayin’. That was an experience that’s…not even describable. How amazing to actually feel truly beautiful for once in life. Every woman should do it - whether for someone else, or themselves.
That night, I FINALLY talked the girls into getting tickets to see Anthony Cools’ show at the Paris (where we were staying). I’d gotten free tickets to see him in Biloxi a few months ago and I’ve literally never laughed so hard in my entire life. My hands were literally black from wiping mascara that was running down my face from crying from laughing so hard. My cheeks were in physical pain and my stomach hurt the rest of the night. Not only is the show SO great but he’s an engaging performer, completely hilarious and on top of that, really cool to his supporters. We became friends after the Biloxi show (okay, on Facebook, but that’s as good as being BFF’s. Duh.) That being said, after we got tickets I tweeted about it and how excited I was to see his show again. Anthony tweeted me and told me to ask for someone at the door who would upgrade our seats, and we literally sat front row center for the show that night. How FUCKING cool is that? How totally above and beyond and AWESOME is that? I mean, really. (Getting to watch a 60-something year old man calling people in FL at midnight to tell them he’s “In Vegas, sucking dick for wooden nickels” up close ain’t too shabby either.) We enjoyed a hilarious show and were all so thankful for the seats. He definitely has three new fans out of Amanda, Ali & Lesya. And I have every intention to see him AGAIN when he comes back to Biloxi in November. If he’s playing anywhere near you, you’d be an idiot to miss out. Just sayin’. http://bit.ly/92sNRP
Saturday took me back to LA, away from my girls but also to some other wonderful people. I already blogged about Sam & the Men’s (third) show, so I won’t bore you with that again. (Yeah right, I’d talk forever about those guys. That’s another show you’re just stupid if you miss.) Anyway, the week in LA included live band karaoke which, can I just say, is one of the coolest things I’ve ever fucking seen. Even cooler was Cat getting up to show her stuff and the ridiculously amazing/unexpected company of the evening. A trip to Disney for two Disneyland-virgins, a taping of Craig Ferguson (who I fucking LOVE), lots of talks and drinks and even more amazing music finished everything out. Sam & The Men (or is it The Sam Bradley Band now?) put on another fucking amazing show, the best of all four of their residency I’m told, this past Tuesday to close out FOUR SOLD-OUT SHOWS over the course of their month there. It couldn’t have happened for more deserving, talented people. Of course I was a bit bummed that they didn’t play “Scared” again but I’ve decided beggars can’t be choosers, and I loved every single minute of the show. “Details” is incredible, I cannot WAIT to hear it recorded. And “Like A River” always just….it’s fucking amazing. It was another fantastic show and an amazing end to my time there.
I’m so thankful that I got to share so much with so many amazing people. So I too want to give out just a few shouts to some friends, old and new.
Cat - Once more, thank you so much for EVERYTHING. I am so happy I got to SEE you! It’d been too fucking long. Thank you for including me in your life and your friends, for getting the CF tickets, and to you and Lauren and Ashley both for letting me crash with you. I owe you big time! I love you and miss you already! (And, I love listening to you sing. You already know this, but still. And with you and….um, the dude playing the piano? Heaven. Seriously.)
Lesya - Lord woman, thank you for everything! Thank you for including me on your trip and making me feel like I was just supposed to be there. I am so glad we got to spend more time together (especially since Dallas was so crazay!) I love you, and we’re gonna get our asses to Canadia, whatever it takes!
Cyn - I’m SO glad to have finally met you! And I’m glad everything worked out and you made it to the last show! And I’m glad you now know about someone’s stalkerness. I tried to tell you, I’m just sayin’. Thank you for the calls and for loving my favorite song along with me. You are an absolute doll. Love love love you!
Ali - Ali, Ali, Ali. “Bitch, isn’t there anything you CAN’T do?!!?” I don’t think there is. You’re gorgeous - inside and out, kind, true, and wonderful. And I have never, ever felt so beautiful in my entire life; I have you to thank for that. I love you so much and am so blessed to have you in my life (and not JUST cuz you’re my stylist). <3
Amanda - How did I get so lucky to have you in my life? There are some things that people just can’t understand if they haven’t been through them. And while I hate that you’ve had to go through some of the terrible same things, I cannot tell you how it feels to talk and have someone understand what you say. I love that when we’re together we have fun no matter what we do, even if it’s sitting on the couch watching a movie and eating pizza. If I am half the friend and person that you are, then I feel lucky. I love you with all of my heart.
DeEtta - I am so glad that we had a chance to spend more time together! Thank you for coming out to hang with me at Cat’s birthday party where I didn’t know many people really. You know how shy I am, so it was especially wonderful to have another friend around to enjoy the antics with. I’m so glad that you loved CF as much as I did…that makes it all the better! It was great to go to the show with you and I’m so glad to be any small part of everything with Kaden & the man. That warms my heart like I can’t even explain. I love you!
Meg - My little partner in crime. Can you please play the one with the harmonica? Thanks. Do you have any idea what a truly kind, sweet person you are? The idea of anyone even giving you a dirty look makes me want to scream and pound their faces in. If you ever need anything, I don’t care what it is, you’d better not hesitate to ask. Thank you for taking me & Mr. Shoes to Disney and running around with us like a bunch of kids. I had so much fun with you and Monika and am glad we got to spend some actual time together (even if half of it…okay, like 3/4 of it was spent driving around lost looking for the 2. It wasn’t MY fault. The map was wrong.) I adore you so, so much. Please always remember how wonderful you are.
Melinda - Girl, I’m so glad we met! You tell it like it is and you don’t take shit from anybody, and I’m both awed by and totally envious of that. If everyone was so straight up and REAL…I just can’t imagine how much better the world would be. There’d certainly be a lot less bullshit, that’s for sure. You’re a beautiful and wonderful person - love you, cousin!
Twoshoes - I feel silly calling you that now! You don’t know how excited I am to finally have met you. Well, maybe you do, since we’ve talked about it (haha) but you know what I mean. You are absolutely one of the most genuine, kind and real people I’ve ever met in my life. I “knew” you somewhat through De and Mon and from your blog, but I never could have even imagined that I’d adore you as much as I do. It’s been a long time since I’ve met someone that I clicked so easily and effortlessly with. I’m so grateful for your friendship, and I don’t give a damn how “silly” it is. Thank you for being you, and for being so great to me. Soorry, YOU are the bestest. And I miss you!! <3
I have to give yet another thank you to Sam. Not because he’s a great guy. Not because he’s amazing to people that support him. Not even just because he has the voice of an angel. Because each of you, in one way or another, I have met in some way because of Sam’s music. Music that touched my heart before I knew anything about the person singing it…music that brought me out of a very cold and lonely place. Not only did it wake me up again, but it led me to you, all of you. And he continues to impress and inspire and surprise us (and I’m not just talking about the ninja shit). I still have wonderful people coming into my life in whatever way because of avenues opened by this music. So thank you, Sam, endlessly. You know Shaun & I both adore you, and will continue to support you however we can. Everything else that you do - the Twitter/Facebook, the meet n greets, the pictures and posters, all of it - is so far above and beyond what any of us should expect of you, and yet you seem to love it as much as we do. The music in itself is enough, and yet you always give us more. Thank you, for caring enough to give more. We recognize how special it is, and it’s all why we’ll keep telling the world about you til we’re blue in the faces (and/or lose our fingers).
Everyone not mentioned by name, and all of my friends who weren’t on this trip and so aren’t mentioned, please don’t be offended. I love every single one of you and am grateful to have you in my life. You guys are my heart. I can’t explain the effect this trip has had on me, from those who were there and from the little people in my pockets. It’s like I’ve been falling into this….hole. Being depressed, missing my family, feeling hopeless, waiting for my husband to leave again…dreading it, terrified of being really alone for the first time. I literally feel like you all brought me back to life. I can’t explain it. The quote at the beginning of this is a dedication to you, and a thank you for loving me for who I am and being as great as you are, and for helping me to remember and realize that being away from someone doesn’t mean they have to be gone in your every day, in your heart. I’m sorry to everyone else for how sappy and wordy and silly this is. I just need people to know what they mean to me. If you’ve ever lost someone, you know how important it is to say things you want to say to people when you want to say it. Otherwise, you may not get the chance. Not like I think anything so drastic is going to happen, I just think it’s important that people know how phenomenal they are. And the people in my life are just that. And that is why I am so, so blessed.
Thank you to all of you for making this such an amazing trip…an amazing life. I love you all dearly. xx
I’ve been meaning/wanting to blog. I spent yesterday during my (shittastic) travels and a good deal of today trying to figure out how to put it all into words. How do you take everything in your heart and just lay it out for other people to understand? I’m not sure it’s totally possible, but we’ll give it a try and see where we go.
This was, without a doubt, the trip of a lifetime. If I had any expectations, they were so hugely exceeded it’s as if they didn’t exist in the first place. Going to LA gave me an opportunity to see a friend that I haven’t seen in about 6 years, and have known for about 13. It’s amazing to me that friendships created at 15 years old can carry into our adult lives and still exist there, even when we don’t talk or see each other all the time. This person, who I haven’t seen in SO long, included me in her life, drove my ass around the city, and never once complained about where I wanted to go or how late I was running. Without even a second thought. This is a truly good person. Thank you, Cat, for EVERYTHING over the last week and a half. I hope 25 is the best year yet and it holds only the best things for you.
In the midst of LA, I was given an awesome opportunity to go to Las Vegas for two days to see my besties, none of whom live near me, and I couldn’t even consider passing up an opportunity to see them when they were only a few hours from where I was. We arrived on Thursday and spent the day eating and hanging out until everyone arrived. That night we went to see Bobby Long’s show at the Hard Rock Hotel. I’ll be honest that I really had no intention of or interest in seeing Bobby this time around. Not that I had anything against him, it just…it’s hard to explain. It wasn’t something that was really high up on my list, I guess. I am SO glad that I had the opportunity to see him again. He seemed more confident and happy playing with a band, and I loved the show. The best part was getting to see such a fantastic show with my girls and meeting some ridiculously kind, sweet new people. All I’m going to say on the subject is - don’t judge someone by who they are (or who you think they are). Jealousy is a horrible thing and in the end you’re the one who comes off looking like an ass. Just remember that it’s stupid to hate on someone who you’ve never even met, let alone who’s never done anything to you personally. That night changed my opinions on a lot of things…. I’m not going to go into details, cuz it’s really not anyone’s business. I’m just really thankful for the courtesy, kindness, openness and time that I was given. I never would’ve expected so much. Thank you, and I wish nothing but the best.
Friday we had a lovely breakfast, spent some time out by the pool and then Ali got me all dolled up and took some photos. Ali is an amazing photographer and she’s putting something together for me to give to my husband for when he deploys later this year. You can see my Twitter avi for one small example of what she can do (@RockstarJedi) and you can also visit her blog at http://www.aliparkerphotography.blogspot.com/ to see much more. She travels….just sayin’. That was an experience that’s…not even describable. How amazing to actually feel truly beautiful for once in life. Every woman should do it - whether for someone else, or themselves.
That night, I FINALLY talked the girls into getting tickets to see Anthony Cools’ show at the Paris (where we were staying). I’d gotten free tickets to see him in Biloxi a few months ago and I’ve literally never laughed so hard in my entire life. My hands were literally black from wiping mascara that was running down my face from crying from laughing so hard. My cheeks were in physical pain and my stomach hurt the rest of the night. Not only is the show SO great but he’s an engaging performer, completely hilarious and on top of that, really cool to his supporters. We became friends after the Biloxi show (okay, on Facebook, but that’s as good as being BFF’s. Duh.) That being said, after we got tickets I tweeted about it and how excited I was to see his show again. Anthony tweeted me and told me to ask for someone at the door who would upgrade our seats, and we literally sat front row center for the show that night. How FUCKING cool is that? How totally above and beyond and AWESOME is that? I mean, really. (Getting to watch a 60-something year old man calling people in FL at midnight to tell them he’s “In Vegas, sucking dick for wooden nickels” up close ain’t too shabby either.) We enjoyed a hilarious show and were all so thankful for the seats. He definitely has three new fans out of Amanda, Ali & Lesya. And I have every intention to see him AGAIN when he comes back to Biloxi in November. If he’s playing anywhere near you, you’d be an idiot to miss out. Just sayin’. http://bit.ly/92sNRP
Saturday took me back to LA, away from my girls but also to some other wonderful people. I already blogged about Sam & the Men’s (third) show, so I won’t bore you with that again. (Yeah right, I’d talk forever about those guys. That’s another show you’re just stupid if you miss.) Anyway, the week in LA included live band karaoke which, can I just say, is one of the coolest things I’ve ever fucking seen. Even cooler was Cat getting up to show her stuff and the ridiculously amazing/unexpected company of the evening. A trip to Disney for two Disneyland-virgins, a taping of Craig Ferguson (who I fucking LOVE), lots of talks and drinks and even more amazing music finished everything out. Sam & The Men (or is it The Sam Bradley Band now?) put on another fucking amazing show, the best of all four of their residency I’m told, this past Tuesday to close out FOUR SOLD-OUT SHOWS over the course of their month there. It couldn’t have happened for more deserving, talented people. Of course I was a bit bummed that they didn’t play “Scared” again but I’ve decided beggars can’t be choosers, and I loved every single minute of the show. “Details” is incredible, I cannot WAIT to hear it recorded. And “Like A River” always just….it’s fucking amazing. It was another fantastic show and an amazing end to my time there.
I’m so thankful that I got to share so much with so many amazing people. So I too want to give out just a few shouts to some friends, old and new.
Cat - Once more, thank you so much for EVERYTHING. I am so happy I got to SEE you! It’d been too fucking long. Thank you for including me in your life and your friends, for getting the CF tickets, and to you and Lauren and Ashley both for letting me crash with you. I owe you big time! I love you and miss you already! (And, I love listening to you sing. You already know this, but still. And with you and….um, the dude playing the piano? Heaven. Seriously.)
Lesya - Lord woman, thank you for everything! Thank you for including me on your trip and making me feel like I was just supposed to be there. I am so glad we got to spend more time together (especially since Dallas was so crazay!) I love you, and we’re gonna get our asses to Canadia, whatever it takes!
Cyn - I’m SO glad to have finally met you! And I’m glad everything worked out and you made it to the last show! And I’m glad you now know about someone’s stalkerness. I tried to tell you, I’m just sayin’. Thank you for the calls and for loving my favorite song along with me. You are an absolute doll. Love love love you!
Ali - Ali, Ali, Ali. “Bitch, isn’t there anything you CAN’T do?!!?” I don’t think there is. You’re gorgeous - inside and out, kind, true, and wonderful. And I have never, ever felt so beautiful in my entire life; I have you to thank for that. I love you so much and am so blessed to have you in my life (and not JUST cuz you’re my stylist). <3
Amanda - How did I get so lucky to have you in my life? There are some things that people just can’t understand if they haven’t been through them. And while I hate that you’ve had to go through some of the terrible same things, I cannot tell you how it feels to talk and have someone understand what you say. I love that when we’re together we have fun no matter what we do, even if it’s sitting on the couch watching a movie and eating pizza. If I am half the friend and person that you are, then I feel lucky. I love you with all of my heart.
DeEtta - I am so glad that we had a chance to spend more time together! Thank you for coming out to hang with me at Cat’s birthday party where I didn’t know many people really. You know how shy I am, so it was especially wonderful to have another friend around to enjoy the antics with. I’m so glad that you loved CF as much as I did…that makes it all the better! It was great to go to the show with you and I’m so glad to be any small part of everything with Kaden & the man. That warms my heart like I can’t even explain. I love you!
Meg - My little partner in crime. Can you please play the one with the harmonica? Thanks. Do you have any idea what a truly kind, sweet person you are? The idea of anyone even giving you a dirty look makes me want to scream and pound their faces in. If you ever need anything, I don’t care what it is, you’d better not hesitate to ask. Thank you for taking me & Mr. Shoes to Disney and running around with us like a bunch of kids. I had so much fun with you and Monika and am glad we got to spend some actual time together (even if half of it…okay, like 3/4 of it was spent driving around lost looking for the 2. It wasn’t MY fault. The map was wrong.) I adore you so, so much. Please always remember how wonderful you are.
Melinda - Girl, I’m so glad we met! You tell it like it is and you don’t take shit from anybody, and I’m both awed by and totally envious of that. If everyone was so straight up and REAL…I just can’t imagine how much better the world would be. There’d certainly be a lot less bullshit, that’s for sure. You’re a beautiful and wonderful person - love you, cousin!
Twoshoes - I feel silly calling you that now! You don’t know how excited I am to finally have met you. Well, maybe you do, since we’ve talked about it (haha) but you know what I mean. You are absolutely one of the most genuine, kind and real people I’ve ever met in my life. I “knew” you somewhat through De and Mon and from your blog, but I never could have even imagined that I’d adore you as much as I do. It’s been a long time since I’ve met someone that I clicked so easily and effortlessly with. I’m so grateful for your friendship, and I don’t give a damn how “silly” it is. Thank you for being you, and for being so great to me. Soorry, YOU are the bestest. And I miss you!! <3
I have to give yet another thank you to Sam. Not because he’s a great guy. Not because he’s amazing to people that support him. Not even just because he has the voice of an angel. Because each of you, in one way or another, I have met in some way because of Sam’s music. Music that touched my heart before I knew anything about the person singing it…music that brought me out of a very cold and lonely place. Not only did it wake me up again, but it led me to you, all of you. And he continues to impress and inspire and surprise us (and I’m not just talking about the ninja shit). I still have wonderful people coming into my life in whatever way because of avenues opened by this music. So thank you, Sam, endlessly. You know Shaun & I both adore you, and will continue to support you however we can. Everything else that you do - the Twitter/Facebook, the meet n greets, the pictures and posters, all of it - is so far above and beyond what any of us should expect of you, and yet you seem to love it as much as we do. The music in itself is enough, and yet you always give us more. Thank you, for caring enough to give more. We recognize how special it is, and it’s all why we’ll keep telling the world about you til we’re blue in the faces (and/or lose our fingers).
Everyone not mentioned by name, and all of my friends who weren’t on this trip and so aren’t mentioned, please don’t be offended. I love every single one of you and am grateful to have you in my life. You guys are my heart. I can’t explain the effect this trip has had on me, from those who were there and from the little people in my pockets. It’s like I’ve been falling into this….hole. Being depressed, missing my family, feeling hopeless, waiting for my husband to leave again…dreading it, terrified of being really alone for the first time. I literally feel like you all brought me back to life. I can’t explain it. The quote at the beginning of this is a dedication to you, and a thank you for loving me for who I am and being as great as you are, and for helping me to remember and realize that being away from someone doesn’t mean they have to be gone in your every day, in your heart. I’m sorry to everyone else for how sappy and wordy and silly this is. I just need people to know what they mean to me. If you’ve ever lost someone, you know how important it is to say things you want to say to people when you want to say it. Otherwise, you may not get the chance. Not like I think anything so drastic is going to happen, I just think it’s important that people know how phenomenal they are. And the people in my life are just that. And that is why I am so, so blessed.
Thank you to all of you for making this such an amazing trip…an amazing life. I love you all dearly. xx
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