I sit and listen to a man talk and laugh with co-workers. A man who lost his beloved wife suddenly two weeks ago. And here I sit, wishing I didn't have to live anymore. And I feel worse because not only do I no longer value life, but I am so depressed and so sad that I can barely stand it. Yet this man who has just suffered this great loss is okay, he's making it, he's getting through the day. And I want to give up and die. I've not recently experienced a loss such as his, but I cannot figure out how to overcome things. How to face losing everything and everyone. How to find happiness again.
And I'm jealous. Jealous of his ability, jealous of people who are happy, even my own friends, who have and can do things that I can't figure out. Who know how to overcome. Who are stronger than I am.
I don't want pity. I don't want anything from anyone.
I just want it all to stop.
I am a horrible human being.
Lo, everyone deals with life differently. No two people's sadness is the same, nor can it be compared. Its all apples and oranges Lo. ( I know you hate cloches, but, I am the queen) don't feel guilty for your sadness, or reasons for it. Deal with it, however you are capable, and be content, that your way, IS okay.
ReplyDeleteLove you muchly.
De <333333333